Saturday, February 21, 2009

Top 4 Facebook Notes That I Could Post and Would Catch on Like Wildfire

4. What do your bumper stickers say about you?
Sample Questions:
  • How many "someecards" bumper stickers do you have?
  • How many bumper stickers have an "Abbrev" of some sort on it?
  • How many do you have that refer to a TV show?
  • How many bumper stickers do you have that proclaim your love for "your girls" or "bffls"?
  • How many bumper stickers do you have that quote Arrested Development??
Add up the totals for the first four, then subtract how many you have of the last one.

0-2 - You're cool. 3-27 - You're okay, I guess. 28 - 300 - Damn, you have a lot of time on your hands. 301 + - I don't even know what to say to that.

3. What do you look for in a guy/girl?!?!?!?!
  • How tall should they be?
  • What eye color should they have?
  • Would they ever fill out a quiz like this?
  • Would they like people who fill out this quiz?
  • How many bumper stickers do they have??!?!

2. What version of facebook are you?
  • Do you like being able to keep in touch with people?
  • Do you like new computer layouts?
  • Do you like stalking people?
  • Do you like having your photos be accessible to anyone at anytime, even future employers?!

1. 26 Things You Probably Still Don't Know About Me, Even After the First 25
Time Magazine would probably have even more to say about that...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Top 5 Interior Design Tips as Portrayed by Pot-Themed Cookies

5. Don't be afraid to choose a bold color.

4. Sometimes a strong pattern can really pull a room together.

3. When it comes to walls, never underestimate the power of a simple border.

2. Sometimes, a nice piece of modern art can be a conversation-starter.

1. For all of the new families out there, don't forget to make your room kid-friendly!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Top 5 Most Common Alternatives to Valentine's Day

It was Valentine's Day yesterday. Here are the most common alternatives to V-Day that were celebrated yesterday.

5. Virgin Day - For those who perhaps are alone, but still celebrate the fact that they are no longer a virgin, or celebrate someone who still is. Just make sure you don't play "The Final Countdown" if you take their V-Card.

4. Valium and Vodka Day - For those who decided to self-medicate their pain, sorrow, and singleness with a few prescription drugs and heavy liquor.

3. Vindictive Day - A fan favorite - For those who were so bitter that they walked around looking sour, scowling at any couples and scoffing at any and all plastic/candy/decorative/real live hearts of any kind. These people probably refer to V-Day as "singles awareness day."

Tied at number 1. Vagina Day - one for girls, and one for guys.

Vagina Day
(for girls) - For all the girls who first watched The Notebook, then went out with the single ladies, and put their hands up, (oh oh oh). Then put their purses in the middle and shook it like a polaroid picture after forming a circle and saying, "fuck guys tonight, I just wanna dance." Alternative names to this day might include "vajajay day."

Vagina Day (for Guys) - Go out to the same clubs as the single ladies who put their hands up, (oh, oh, oh) and try to infiltrate the circles they have made to attempt to take advantage of the inner sadness the single ladies are actually feeling.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Top 5 Places Where Playing "The Final Countdown" Would Be Inappropriate

5. A Kindergarten Graduation

4. A Hospice Ward

3. Good Friday Mass

2. Anytime that isn't Armageddon

1. Taking Someone's V-Card

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Top 14 Reasons that "Action-Romance-Comedies" are Recipes for Success

I have a theory - movies that I like to classify as "Action-romance-comedies" are a recipe for success. They may not be the most cinematically pleasing films ever, but dammit, are they entertaining. Classics that did not make the top 20 highest grossing films of all time include - the Back to the Future trilogy and the Indiana Jones trilogy (not the last one).

1. The number one highest grossing movie of all time - Titanic. Action? Yes. Romance? Yes. Comedy? It was in there. Combine this with a little bit of drama, a Celine Dion song and Leomania and bam, number one.

2. The second highest grossing movie of all time - The Dark Knight. Action? Hell yes. Romance - Yup. Comedy? Heath Ledger (not the fact that he died, I thought he was actually funny...dammit, awkward?)

3. Numbers 3, 6, and 9 were all Star Wars films - Episodes IV, I, and III respectively. Action? Uhhhh it's Star Wars. Romance? Sure. Comedy? Okay I'm not sure about that one, but I definitely remember feeling amused at something Han Solo said once. This plus the crazy-ass following of Star Wars, done and done.

4. Shrek 2 - coming in at the 4th highest grossing movie ever. Action, romance and comedy...and cartoon. People went to see it because they loved the first....

5. Numbers 5 and 12 I'm not sure what to do about - E.T. (which terrifies me even to this day and I don't even want to think about) and the Passion of the Christ. I think my obligation as a baptized Catholic is to leave this one alone. Consider this my counterargument.

6. Number 7!!!!! POTCDMC!!!! Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest! Albiet the second most disappointing movie in the series, it shows the triumph of the first and how AWESOME it is. Action, romance, comedy, aweeeessommeee. The epitome of my recipe for success.

7. Numbers 8, 11, and 16 - more proof. Spidermans II, I and III. Damn entertaining, even if the third one was kind of lame.

8. Numbers 10 and 14 - Lord of the Rings II and III. Similar to Star Wars?

9. Number 13 - Jurassic Park! Clever Girl...

10. Number 15 - Finding Nemo...okay, no romance, unless you count mama fish dying.

11. Number 17 -Forrest Gump

12. Number 18 - The Lion King

13. Number 19 - Shrek! Again!

14. Number 20 - Another classic - Transformers.